I’m giving myself a time out of sorts, a time out from blogging, housework, wearing makeup, and anything else I do on a regular basis. Tomorrow I go in for an ultrasound to see if a gall bladder operation is in order.
From what I’ve heard and read on the subject, it’s not uncommon for a multiple to dread anything having to do with doctors. Speaking for myself, any kind of an examination feels intrusive. Add to that the fact that doctors are authority figures, and I kind of space out during my appointments. The hardest part, in a sense, is getting to the point of actually making the appointment in the first place. As a child I learned to dissociate from my body and so, for all of my adult life, I’ve not been in touch with what’s going on with my physical self. (I’d rather not even admit to having a body!) There has to be an awful lot of pain or discomfort for me to even think about visiting the doc.
Some things can’t be postponed forever; my gall bladder problems (or appendix, if it turns out to be that instead) is one of those things that isn’t going to get better by itself. So tomorrow the ultrasound. Today, whether or not I like it, I’m taking to my bed. I plan to drink hot tea (and how wonderful that it’s cooled off enough to want to drink something hot!), nibble on gummy bears, watch old movies and, if I can get my parts cooperation, read a good mystery.
Today I’m taking a time out from the usual routine . . . and as much as it causes me to fret to think of all I must leave undone (for instance, I wanted to finish something I was working on for this blog), the reality is that one day won’t make much of a difference. I just need to get through the next 24 hours as pain free as possible. Somehow, I’ve graced myself with permission to do so, and it feels good to extend kindness to myself.