Rock of Ages

Jenny, my 7 year old alter whom I’m trying to lure out of hiding, lives in the past. She’s stuck in the 60’s, the era in which my abuse began. Sometimes she’s aware of what’s happening in real time, but not always.

Today on the way back from the store, I kept feeling an urge to play a CD I haven’t listened to since before my auntie died in April. It’s gospel hymns and one, Rock of Ages, is her favorite. Well. I haven’t been into music for some time and it hadn’t even occurred to me that Jenny is one of my parts who likes it best. When I realized I was feeling her yearning for this CD, I took the plunge. Sometimes, you know, you just have to be selfless enough to step aside in order to nurture a child–whether that child is internal or external.

Oh the flood of emotions which overwhelmed me at the first notes of this old hymn. So much of my history is tied up in hymns like these; I can’t help but be drawn in by them. All over again I’m reminded that I do so love God, even when I can’t reach out to Him.


3 thoughts on “Rock of Ages

  1. All over again I’m reminded that I do so love God, even when I can’t reach out to Him.

    i could really relate to the music having a big impact on you and other insiders and to what you said about God.

    i’m sure you are helping Jenny by being there for her as much as you can. that takes a lot of energy and strength.

    thank you for sharing your journey.

  2. that is the sweetest post you have done yet 🙂
    i think we all go thru times when we feel we cant reach out to God, for as many different reasons. but God always reaches us. He is never farther away than our own skin, never higher than our noses. He will hold you tighter than you could ever hold Him, so rest assured. He knows your love for Him.

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